Festivus....for the rest of us....

[Obliviax]

1. All the people who feel the need to congregate around the gate before their zone is called for a flight. Ever try to hustle from one end of a concourse in Atlanta to the other and have to stiff arm these morons spilling into the middle of the concourse? One of these days, I’m going to start as far back as possible and bowl over the Zone 2s who should be sitting their asses down (or at least be out of the way) until they’re called.

2. Not being ready to go when the light turns green, especially on a left turn arrow. You have one job when behind the wheel and it’s not to apply makeup (or shave or brush teeth).

3. Whiny college basketball coaches who wave hysterically and stomp around at every single call. Coach your damn team and stop acting like a 2 year old.

3a. All the referees who allow this to go on instead of T’ing them up. If I ever ref a college game (and I likely won’t), I would lead the metrics in Ts.

4. Golf announcers calling something a makeable putt (I’m trying my best to curb it but it’s like walking uphill in sand). They’re ALL makeable! If they weren’t, why bother playing?

on number 4, reminds me of my brother in law who rails at pitchers pointing at pop ups. Why don't they point to ground balls? He was a pretty good ball player in his day and tells me that pointing at a pop up is worthless. Like a fielder is going to lose it in the lights, look at the pitcher and go "oh, I see that little spec of white now!". But he also likes to call "runs" points, just to be anti.

 

[LuvDaLions]

Here's my Christmas greivance (from personal experience over the last couple days)...

Toys that don't come in square boxes. Have you noticed that most toys now a days come in boxes that are half open to show the product? You try to wrap them and half the paper is stretched out over open air. particularly difficult over open corners.

 

[Ohio_Pirate]

Or shoppers who leave their cart in the parking lot instead of returning it to the store or to one of those cart receptacles.

This is the one that gets me. You just spent half an hour pushing that thing all over the inside of the store. Suddenly you get outside and can't go 20 more feet to return it.

 

[psuro]

Millenials.

*drops mic*

 

[Phil's Rug]

1. Shoppers who leave their carts in the middle of the aisle and then spend an hour looking for something on the shelf next to their cart, making it impossible for anyone to pass. I usually move their cart by giving it a good push away from them.

Hate that, I relocate their carts for them all the time. If I'm really bored I'll take it to the other side of the store. Or if they have a bunch of stuff I'll just toss some random shit in.

What's worse is when they do it with kids in the cart. Couple of years ago this lady had her kid in the cart, couldn't have been more than 2 years old. Watched her leave the cart at the front of an aisle, when I went by and looked down the aisle, mommy was almost at the other end with her back to the kid. WTF is wrong with people???

 

[psuro]

psuro...you are absolutely correct on the peanut butter/jelly knife issue. Inexcusable.

But I am confused on the 1st topic.
If you keep your door closed...how do you yell at the girls to go get your coffee for you?

I have a buzzer.

 

[WDLion]

I am airing some office grievances.....

1. I work in a small office (roughly 43 people). I like to get in early, check up on things online, and get myself going, drink my coffee, eat my bagel, check BWI - that sort of thing. There are two, maybe three other people in the office at that time....all of them are women, and all of them are LOUD....as in yelling across the office cubicles to each other. I am in an office (luckily) so I shut the door. This morning, they came to me and told me I am rude for shutting the door - when I asked why they need to yell across the cubicles, I was told it's not rude for them to do that, and they need to communicate with each other, and that I was the rude one for shutting the door.

Chick logic?


2. More office shenanigans....

Our office manager buys snacks for the office - with a "please donate for the cause" sign. The younger generation constantly take snacks and don't pay. When confronted and asked about why they never contribute, the basic answer is "you say it's a donation, and we don't feel like donating".

They make good money (for their level) and all of them live at home. And it's only a few dollars a week that she asks for. So, now we can't have nice things because of these dumb ass kids.

3. Flush. Just flush, dammit.

4. Along the lines of snacks, we keep peanut butter, jelly and bread in the kitchen. Is it too much to ask to use 2 separate knives (one for peanut butter, one for jelly) when making a sandwich? Otherwise you get peanut butter in the jelly, and jelly in the peanut butter. And then putting the peanut butter, jelly and bread back?


OK - I feel better now.

And yes - get off my lawn!

Penn State fans so obsessed with Pitt that 90% of their posts are about Pitt.

 

[Class of 67]

Great thread, 'ro, and I can relate to your grievances.

1- There's a person who sits very close in my (cubicle farm) office and snorts all day. I believe said person has a deviated septum or something. But it's nonstop throat clearing, snorting and swallowing. Even with headphones at 75% volume it's entirely inescapable. When said person has a cold, it's somehow even worse, as in every 30 seconds.

2- There's a person who also sits very close to me who plays "let's type as loud and slow as I can" every time an email is sent. Since a lot of work is done via email, this too is an all day occurrence. I'm considering the wisdom of sabotaging the keyboard one day and magically having a quiet key model on hand for replacement.

3- The topics of conversation in my office can get quite disgusting. I love my job and if it wasn't for the work I do, I would've left a long time ago.

4- My floor has a very small bathroom for an awful lot of people. The men don't like to flush. It's common to see a few Najeh Davenports in the stalls. Furthermore there's one fine gentleman who only wets his hands after depositing said Najeh Davenport. Men are pigs.

Men are pigs, so it's no wonder some women prefer other women. Be thankful your colleagues at least wet their hands. I can't tell you how many men I observe exiting a public restroom without going near the soap and water. And don't even bring up the subject of chewing tobacco and spitting into an empty bottle.

 

[ThePennsyOracle]

1. Shoppers who leave their carts in the middle of the aisle and then spend an hour looking for something on the shelf next to their cart, making it impossible for anyone to pass. I usually move their cart by giving it a good push away from them.

2. Drivers who get tired of waiting for a break in traffic so they pull-out into and block at least one of the traffic lanes such that vehicles have to stop and wait for these bozos to finish their turns.

3. People with untrained dogs who insist on walking them without a leash.

4. People who let their dog crap in my yard and don't bother to pick it up. I especially hate the ones who walk their dogs early in the morning or in the evenings such that you can't catch them in the act.

5. Flyers seated in Coach who place their bags in the overhead storage in First Class.

I feel better now.

Hold the presses. I've agreed with Barry and PPB in the same week.

The untrained dog thing can be dangerous.

This summer I was running the perimeter of Tudek Park in State College (most of it is a dog park). As I came down the last "hill" I saw a young pit bull mix running unleashed in front of a couple who appeared is if they couldn't spell "pit" if you spotted them the "p" and "t."

There was a father and young child walking with their small dog and naturally the pit bull ran right at them, snarling. So the father had a pissed off pit bull mix running at his young child and dog. Luckily, the pit mix stopped a couple feet short of the family--I don't know why though because the "parents" never yelled at him. In fact, they laughed and continued on their way without saying a word.

 

[LafayetteBear]

'Ro: Great post. I have some suggestions, set forth in red type face, below.

1. I work in a small office (roughly 43 people). I like to get in early. There are two, maybe three other people in the office at that time....all of them are women. This strikes me as an ideal time to share some of your awesome sig pics with them.

2. More office shenanigans....

Our office manager buys snacks for the office - with a "please donate for the cause" sign. The younger generation constantly take snacks and don't pay. When confronted and asked about why they never contribute, the basic answer is "you say it's a donation, and we don't feel like donating".

Time to do what members of my wife's college sorority did, and prepare a "Discipline Sandwich" for these anonymous thieves. Get a sandwich roll, put some tasty tuna salad in it, and mix the contents of a a hair brush into the tuna. Apply a veneer of hair spray. It won't solve the contributions problem, but it will likely put a big crimp in people taking food they did not purchase or prepare..

 

[Art]

Hate that, I relocate their carts for them all the time. If I'm really bored I'll take it to the other side of the store. Or if they have a bunch of stuff I'll just toss some random shit in.

What's worse is when they do it with kids in the cart. Couple of years ago this lady had her kid in the cart, couldn't have been more than 2 years old. Watched her leave the cart at the front of an aisle, when I went by and looked down the aisle, mommy was almost at the other end with her back to the kid. WTF is wrong with people???

I'm usually very polite in situations like that (imagine that!). I start by saying "excuse.me." If that doesn't work, I'll repeat it, this time loud enough so that the person can't not hear me. If that's not enough, I'll move the other cart just enough to get by. Usually the person realizes what's happening and apologizes. But on occasion someone will react as if I'm stealing something (that they haven't paid for) from them. When that happens, they get the Art that we've all come to know and love.

But I think the ideas in your first paragraph are terrific and I'm going to have to use them sometime.

 

[Cosmos]

1. I was at Penn Station the other day. The up escalator is on the right and down on the left. Who the F designed this in a culture where we walk and drive on the right?
2. News commentators complaining about harassment when the network they are working for has them wearing low cut tops, mini-skirts, 6 inch heals and glass top desks so they can get their perfectly angled shots in?
3. Somebody who wants to take my hard earned income away from me who is suggesting I am "greedy" if I want to keep it. Aren't they greedy for trying to take money that they didn't earn?
4. Car manufacturers for lecturing me on being "distracted" and then loading the car up with so much distracting electronics you can't even remember the words to the song playing on the radio?
5. White, Male media types decrying a lack of diversity and pay levels while continuing to negotiate for higher and higher wages at the cost of everyone else in the production.
6. The New York Yankees.
7. The Golden State Warriors.
8. tOSU complaining about recruiting.
9. Michigan complaining about bad calls.
10. People hammering Michigan State for the Nassar situation.
11. People NOT hammering Michigan State for the Nassar situation.
12. Not having enough time to do my "Obli's Observations" each week after games.
13. Rowing machines.

I may think of others later.

Please do. You're on a roll!

 

[LafayetteBear]

Millenials.

*drops mic*

My sons, both seniors at PSU, are back in Lafayette for the Christmas holiday. They went out to the town's most popular tavern ("The Roundup") last night, and came back complaining that, while the tavern was packed and a live band was playing, it was "filled with all these old people. Everyone was over thirty!"

I told them to stay off my lawn.

 

[Cosmos]

1. Shoppers who leave their carts in the middle of the aisle and then spend an hour looking for something on the shelf next to their cart, making it impossible for anyone to pass. I usually move their cart by giving it a good push away from them.

2. Drivers who get tired of waiting for a break in traffic so they pull-out into and block at least one of the traffic lanes such that vehicles have to stop and wait for these bozos to finish their turns.

3. People with untrained dogs who insist on walking them without a leash.

4. People who let their dog crap in my yard and don't bother to pick it up. I especially hate the ones who walk their dogs early in the morning or in the evenings such that you can't catch them in the act.

5. Flyers seated in Coach who place their bags in the overhead storage in First Class.

I feel better now.

Nos. 1 and 2 have gotten to be so pervasive they're considered acceptable behavior. Well, not for this old curmudgeon. What I do is ram their cart with mine and then beat them to the punch with the apology. Another pet peeve of mine is people who pull out of a parking lot in the middle of the entrance so that you can't pull in. Lastly, people who leave their receipts in ATM machines. Imagine the status of their checking account.

 

[PeetzPoolBoy]

Hate that, I relocate their carts for them all the time. If I'm really bored I'll take it to the other side of the store. Or if they have a bunch of stuff I'll just toss some random shit in.

What's worse is when they do it with kids in the cart. Couple of years ago this lady had her kid in the cart, couldn't have been more than 2 years old. Watched her leave the cart at the front of an aisle, when I went by and looked down the aisle, mommy was almost at the other end with her back to the kid. WTF is wrong with people???

I like your idea of adding stuff to their cart. It's a reasonable penalty for them being so ignorant.

 

[Cosmos]

1 : People that don't say " thanks" when I hold doors open for them...( Like I work there an am supposed to be holding doors).

2: Drivers that won't move out of the fast lane.

3: Drivers that think just because they turn their blinker on it gives them a pass to drift into the side of your car..

How about people who get onto an elevator before others can get off! I had such an employee. Finally, the complaints got so bad I had to take him to the elevators for some OJT.

 

[Phil's Rug]

I'm usually very polite in situations like that (imagine that!). I start by saying "excuse.me." If that doesn't work, I'll repeat it, this time loud enough so that the person can't not hear me. If that's not enough, I'll move the other cart just enough to get by. Usually the person realizes what's happening and apologizes. But on occasion someone will react as if I'm stealing something (that they haven't paid for) from them. When that happens, they get the Art that we've all come to know and love.

But I think the ideas in your first paragraph are terrific and I'm going to have to use them sometime.

I try to be polite when they are blocking the middle, but some people make it so damn hard these days. Was in walmart last Sunday, had two gift cards and a Christmas card. Of course all the registers were lined up, headed for one of the 20 items or less lines, some lady just had to beat me to the line, almost ran to get her cart full of shit in front of me. I'm thinking "wow really?" to myself, so after she cut me off I dropped my three items in her cart, smiled and politely said "Merry Christmas" and walked out, she just looked at me.

Should clarify though, I usually only relocate if they leave the cart and walk away, especially if they leave it at the front of an aisle and block the way. It's a good way to cheer yourself up when having a bad day, I mean who doesn't want a car battery and condoms to go along with their canned goods

Just be sure to scout ahead and make sure there's no purse in the cart. That might cause some issues...

 

[Cosmos]

1. All the people who feel the need to congregate around the gate before their zone is called for a flight. Ever try to hustle from one end of a concourse in Atlanta to the other and have to stiff arm these morons spilling into the middle of the concourse? One of these days, I’m going to start as far back as possible and bowl over the Zone 2s who should be sitting their asses down (or at least be out of the way) until they’re called.

2. Not being ready to go when the light turns green, especially on a left turn arrow. You have one job when behind the wheel and it’s not to apply makeup (or shave or brush teeth).

3. Whiny college basketball coaches who wave hysterically and stomp around at every single call. Coach your damn team and stop acting like a 2 year old.

3a. All the referees who allow this to go on instead of T’ing them up. If I ever ref a college game (and I likely won’t), I would lead the metrics in Ts.

4. Golf announcers calling something a makeable putt (I’m trying my best to curb it but it’s like walking uphill in sand). They’re ALL makeable! If they weren’t, why bother playing?

Regarding No. 1 I like how Southwest does it. It also encourages people to engage one another while waiting to board.

 

[Obliviax]

Techno Version:

• sites that prefill my email address and password from three companies ago and don't give me a chance to change it (even when I delete it in preferences)(looking at you Marriott).
• Companies that transfer you then ask the same identifier questions (last four digits of your social)
• Companies that start with a voice system, then ask for your mobile phone number (hey, you ID'ed me using your telephony technology already!)
• The AT&T operator who asked me, this week, how to spell "OHIO". BTW, I am already a customer and am upgrading my service.
• Tech companies that still ask for, or have on their business cards, the FAX number
• Companies that make you change your password every month (you know that NIST changed that because changing the password is now considered more risky than keeping the one you have as long you don't have any reason to believe it has been compromised).

 

[LafayetteBear]

Putting Christmas lights on palm trees...

 

[Gnat91]

Putting Christmas lights on palm trees...

Booooooo! That's all some of us have. But to go along with that, I haven't decorated and Christmas tree with beer cans since I was 25..

 

[Art]

I try to be polite when they are blocking the middle, but some people make it so damn hard these days. Was in walmart last Sunday, had two gift cards and a Christmas card. Of course all the registers were lined up, headed for one of the 20 items or less lines, some lady just had to beat me to the line, almost ran to get her cart full of shit in front of me. I'm thinking "wow really?" to myself, so after she cut me off I dropped my three items in her cart, smiled and politely said "Merry Christmas" and walked out, she just looked at me.

Should clarify though, I usually only relocate if they leave the cart and walk away, especially if they leave it at the front of an aisle and block the way. It's a good way to cheer yourself up when having a bad day, I mean who doesn't want a car battery and condoms to go along with their canned goods

Just be sure to scout ahead and make sure there's no purse in the cart. That might cause some issues...

LMAO. Think that a a car battery is large enough that someone would notice. Ideally the added items should be so unobtrusive that the person doesn't realize that he or she has them until they unpack their items at home (like, why did I buy three containers of MiraLax?).

 

[Keyser Soze 16801]

I don't agree with you much....or ever.....but I agree with this.

It's a Festivus Miracle!

 

[Victor E. Bell]

Come gather round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that you don't rake your leaves
from your home
And accept that soon
in my yard they'll have blown
And my time, to you
ain't worth savin'
So you better start rakin'
and I'll temper my tone...
For your crimes they are outragin'.

Come shoppers, Sam's Clubbers
and please do your part
And don't make us load up your stalled shopping cart
With Snuggies and stuff that we find at Wal-Mart
There's a logjam right here and it's ragin'
Now get out of the way while you find your Pall Malls...
For your crimes they are outragin'.

Come drivers, rubber-neckers throughout the land
Get on the throttle, my exit's at hand...
Don't look through CDs for your favorite band..
Our patience is rapidly agin'
Please get out of the hammer lane
If you can't lend a hand...
For your crimes, they are outragin.'

 

[Connorpozlee]

Grievance:
I got to work early a few weeks ago. I was one of three people that I know of being there. Sitting in my office, getting the computer up to check emails, having a rare moment of peace in my office before the mayhem begins. Then two women in the front office have about a 7-10 minute, very loud "conversation". The problem with this "conversation" is that both were speaking simultaneously about entirely different topics. I mean, what the hell? I just left my office and went outside.

 

[Media Fan]

God bless one and all.

 

[Connorpozlee]

Grievance:
A month or so ago on the road, I hear and see a fire truck coming up behind me with lights and siren going. I pull off to the shoulder as do the cars in front of me and behind me (which was kind of heartwarming and shocking to see because that doesn't happen all the time where I live). After the fire truck goes by I start to ease back onto the road. The d-bag behind me speeds up and tries to pass me. I got the nose of my 15- year old Pontiac Vibe out to stop him and unleashed a profane diatribe. I'm not even sure if some of those words were really even proper profanity, but they all fit.

 

[Obliviax]

Grievance:
A month or so ago on the road, I hear and see a fire truck coming up behind me with lights and siren going. I pull off to the shoulder as do the cars in front of me and behind me (which was kind of heartwarming and shocking to see because that doesn't happen all the time where I live). After the fire truck goes by I start to ease back onto the road. The d-bag behind me speeds up and tries to pass me. I got the nose of my 15- year old Pontiac Vibe out to stop him and unleashed a profane diatribe. I'm not even sure if some of those words were really even proper profanity, but they all fit.

hmm, reminds me....a few weeks back, I turned left onto a divided four-lane residential road. Intending to turn left shortly, I was in the left lane. Suddenly, two police cars with sirens blaring come up from behind. I didn't have time to pull across the two lanes and stop on the right side, so I pulled over to the left. After cop cars go by, a woman comes up on my right and starts yelling at me. I flipped her the bird and turned left.

Was I wrong?

 

[BobPSU92]

Millenials.

*drops mic*

And hipsters.

 

[leftcoastdoug]

Yelp.

 

[Connorpozlee]

hmm, reminds me....a few weeks back, I turned left onto a divided four-lane residential road. Intending to turn left shortly, I was in the left lane. Suddenly, two police cars with sirens blaring come up from behind. I didn't have time to pull across the two lanes and stop on the right side, so I pulled over to the left. After cop cars go by, a woman comes up on my right and starts yelling at me. I flipped her the bird and turned left.

Was I wrong?

You have to get out of the way. If I had been behind you I would have flashed the high beams and allowed you to get your previous place back.
Two weeks ago I was taking my daughter to a choir concert. As I pass a side street I notice police lights and siren about to enter my road. I immediately pull off to the shoulder on the right. Car in front of me stops dead in the middle of the street. Cop slams on husband brakes and waits. Car doesn’t move. Police officer hits his horn. Car doesn’t move initially, then finally pulls off to the shoulder. My daughter says, “Thatvpolice car doesn’t have a loud horn.” I said, “They’re not supposed to need it. The lights and sirens are supposed to do the trick.”

 

[RandyL]

Geez...I never paid any attention to Festivus before.
Now that I see its all about complaining, this is a holiday I an get into.

 

[Lion84]

What drives me nuts is guys who continue to or start a phone conversation while taking a leak or a dump - what the hell is with that. You can’t wait until you get out of the John to talk to someone - it’s not as if the people on the other end don’t know you are in the can.

I have many others but I have also noticed people at the airport in first class lining up at least a 1/2 hour before boarding - what is there now a prize for getting on the plane first - I am pretty sure the overheads won’t be full when you get on.

 

[Ohio_Pirate]

What drives me nuts is guys who continue to or start a phone conversation while taking a leak or a dump - what the hell is with that. You can’t wait until you get out of the John to talk to someone - it’s not as if the people on the other end don’t know you are in the can.

Yep. These are the people that walk away without flushing because they don't want the other person to know what they're doing....and then give you the evil eye when you flush next to them. Sorry bud, not going to leave my bodily fluids sitting there just to cover for your actual location on this conversation.

 

[Victor E. Bell]

Come gather round people
who talk on the phone...
And continue to blab while you're
Still on the throne...
Your self-involved exercise
Clearly has shown
That it's time you believe
you are savin'
But you better start flushin'
or you'll stink up the halls...
For your crimes they are outragin'.

 

[RandyL]

speaking of loading an airplane...why do they seat the 1st class people first.
If I was a celeb, I would want to remain in the lounge until all you little people were seated; then I wouldnt have to tolerate you gawking at me while I sit there.
And loading the front of the plane first means that each level of seating delays the one that follows.
They should seat from the back forward. That would speed up the entire process by many fold.

 

[CF LION]

My most key team member is a woman who just can't stop talking about herself....ever. She will set a trap by asking how your weekend/night/whatever was, making you think she actually cares, and then will cut you off short and go into a torrent about the most inane details of her life.

 

[GregInPitt]

Chick logic?

Now that's an oxymoron.

Anytime you shake your head at something a woman says or does, just remember that they can't help themselves. They are what they are.

FYI

"Crazy Woman" is a redundant phrase....

 

[Phil's Rug]

4- My floor has a very small bathroom for an awful lot of people. The men don't like to flush. It's common to see a few Najeh Davenports in the stalls. Furthermore there's one fine gentleman who only wets his hands after depositing said Najeh Davenport, Men are pigs.

Excellent Najeh Davenport refrence.

 

[PSUTENN1]

Highway Drivers

1. The lane on the left is for PASSING....move the f over.

2. That cruise control is going to get you killed someday.

3. If you want to pass me....then pass me....do not pull along side me and stay there.

4. When there's an accident, or a police officer has someone pulled over in the lane going in the other direction, with a 100 yard median strip in between.....please keep going. You DO NOT need to stop to see what's going on........idiot!!!!