I too lost my daughter a few years ago. I agree that I cannot imagine anything worse. Your pain is my pain as I relapsed while reading about your loss. Honestly, life becomes a form of living hell for quite some time. Keep a small circle close to you and stay strong. Cocoon. Covid was actually great for us in that regard. In time you will reach a point where you no longer feel like you are being electrocuted. I dressed each morning in her room and got my crying out alone in private. Allow yourself to wallow...those who truly understand get it. Those who "can't imagine" truly can't. From there your path will emerge. I just painted my daughter's room in PSU colors and am making it my office. Her door is decorated the same as when she left it for her freshman year in college. I'll have a shelf dedicated to my best memories of our life together. Through all of the torture the loss of our baby girl has given me one bit of clarity about life: We are here to love and be loved. There is nothing more that matters. You will find a common bond with others who have our affliction. Godspeed to you and your family. The sun will eventually shine bright and you will feel your daughters light.