No, he really does!!
https://www.msn.com/en-us/video/ani...alk-into-hotel-bar/vi-BBVfwcz?ocid=spartanntp
https://www.msn.com/en-us/video/ani...alk-into-hotel-bar/vi-BBVfwcz?ocid=spartanntp
Good clean joke: So, an elephant walks into a bar,...........................
- Thread starter TheGLOV
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The elephant ordered a gin and tonic and the bartender said ‘ok, that will be $23.’ After a few minutes the bartender said, ‘y’know, we don’t get many elephants in here.’ The elephant said, ‘with these prices I can see why.’
A
anon_1eeb2b426hv3y
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The elephant told the bartender he needed a job. The bartender asked, “Why would I hire an elephant?” The elephant responded, “Because I work for peanuts.”
I’ll show myself out.
I’ll show myself out.
As if the bartender wasn’t having a strange enough day, a skeleton walks in and says ‘I’d like a beer and a mop.’
Guy is having a drink at the bar. All of a sudden he heard a voice: "Hey buddy, nice suit." Guy looks around, sees no one. Few minutes later..."Man, that's a great tie." Guy says to the bartender "Do you hear that? We're the only ones here, right?" Bartender says "Yes, it's the peanuts. They're complimentary."
Another version of that joke...
Woman sits down at a bar....a voice says "Hey, you smell great"....woman doesn't notice anyone near her except an older guy sitting by himself staring at his drink a few bar stools away. She moves to get away from him. She hears a voice again 'You are really good looking...."....she glares at the old man, who is focused on his drink and not saying anything....she hears another voice...."You have a nice set of t*ts"....she flips out and calls the bartender over and says "did you hear that" Bartender says....."Yes, I just put out some "fresh" bar snacks"
Monica Lewinsky drops off a blouse at the dry cleaners. As she is leaving, the dry cleaner yells “Come again!” Monica turns around and says, “No, it’s only toothpaste.”
While examining the the body of Mr. Schwartz, a mortician notices that Schwartz has the largest penis he has ever seen. "I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz," says the mortician, "But I can't send you to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity." The mortician removes the penis, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase. When he gets home, he decides to show it to his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he says, removing the jar from his briefcase. "Oh my God!" she screams, "Schwartz is dead!"
There was an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman working on the top of a cliff. The Englishman said, "If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off this cliff." The Scotsman said, "If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The Irishman said, "If I have ham tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The next day, the Englishman had cheese, the Irishman had ham, and the Scotsman had jam. So they all jumped. At the funerals, the wives of the Scotsman and Englishman said, "Why didn't they just tell us they didn't like their sandwiches?" The Irish lady said, "I don't know why my husband jumped off the cliff. He made his own sandwiches."
An Englishman, Italian and a Czechoslovakian go on a camping trip. Before they go to their campsite, they check into the ranger station. The ranger tells them to be careful, there are two rogue bears, a male and female, in the area and he warns them to be alert. A couple days go by and the ranger hears nothing from the three campers. He sets out to check on them and when he gets to their campsite, it is a mess, blood, gore and body parts all over the place. Suddenly the two bears appear and lunge at him but he is quick and pulls out his gun and shoots them dead. He cuts open the female bear and finds the remains of the Englishman and Italian in her. He stops, thinks for a second and deduces "The Chech is in the male".
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Q: What do you call an Liverpool fan in a suit? A: The accusedSome of you need NEW funny material!
Q: What do you call 5 Liverpool fans standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel
Q: What is the difference between an Liverpool supporter and a baby? A: The baby will stop whining after awhile
Q: What does a Liverpool fan do when his team has won the Champions League? A: He turns off the PlayStation
Still, it won't play well nationally sir.
Just in your mind and pub that you drink in.
Loser!
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