Stanford Goalie Katie Meyer suicide update

[87 Penn St8]

Agreed. But the key to life is being proud of yourself and your accomplishments no matter what. We are way TOO invested in what people think of us. This is, of course, acute when you are ~ aged 10 to 25. the issue with social media is that kids are open to bullying and hateful comments to hundreds as opposed to a dozen or so back in the old days. of course, someone is going to say you are fat, skinny, ugly, aloof or whatever. Kids are going to have to learn to role with the punches and understand that this is just the way it is.

Agreed re social media poison...as a high school teacher I see the effects daily. The negatives far outweigh the positives. In the end we all find our people...kids today just cast a wider net with a higher number of critics to harass them.

Even for me, I can do 50 things well in an average day where I directly teach 75 or so kids and interact with 100-200 more- but it is that single confrontation, or parent or Principal comment, or situation where I can be better that keeps me up at night. Multiply that by hundreds and hundreds of messages with possibly thousands of "followers" = a shit ton of wasted time + anxiety over people whose opinions you shouldn't give a rats ass about.

I sincerely think social media is an illness for many...

 

[bourbon n blues]

Agreed re social media poison...as a high school teacher I see the effects daily. The negatives far outweigh the positives. In the end we all find our people...kids today just cast a wider net with a higher number of critics to harass them.

Even for me, I can do 50 things well in an average day where I directly teach 75 or so kids and interact with 100-200 more- but it is that single confrontation, or parent or Principal comment, or situation where I can be better that keeps me up at night. Multiply that by hundreds and hundreds of messages with possibly thousands of "followers" = a shit ton of wasted time + anxiety over people whose opinions you shouldn't give a rats ass about.

I sincerely think social media is an illness for many...

Years ago on Facebook a co worker of my wife was complaining to her about my Facebook feed. She said all I’d do was put on stuff about weight training. Well I had a lot of friends who train and it was a way we’d stay in touch.
We would also interact with other in regard to training issues, injuries, anything involving the topic. My wife told her to just unfriend me already.
Keep in mind she’s the type that had to post thirty pictures every night she went to the bar with her friends. Every Facebook birthday wish was a picture of you and her together .
Everything was constantly “look at me” and it’s gotten worse.

 

[bourbon n blues]

Agreed. But the key to life is being proud of yourself and your accomplishments no matter what. We are way TOO invested in what people think of us. This is, of course, acute when you are ~ aged 10 to 25. the issue with social media is that kids are open to bullying and hateful comments to hundreds as opposed to a dozen or so back in the old days. of course, someone is going to say you are fat, skinny, ugly, aloof or whatever. Kids are going to have to learn to role with the punches and understand that this is just the way it is.

I think I’ll knee jerk disagree but I might be objecting to how you’re phrasing . I always told my kids they don’t deserve to feel good about themselves just for existing . But they shouldn’t feel bad about themselves either.
You build competence first , then confidence. Self esteem will come from being a better you by improving your abilities, learning to manage your emotions, and learning to relate to people.
Most of which we can find in the Bible , Win Friends And Influence People, and other similar books. Toss in Jordan Peterson , and Thomas Sowell at an early age and you’ll raise a great kid.
My son was into what I was into and grilling simple foods, working out, and shooting all taught him certain skills . His college buddies were amazed he found grill steaks lol! 🙄
The key was good meat, consistent temperature, and consistent time. It might seem to be a simple thing but it was a useful skill passed down by an adult.

 

[bourbon n blues]

Writer Marc Macyoung has written about a “Disneyland mentality” that many western people have . The idea that the world is safe and there are zero consequences for stupid behavior.
On the other hand many young people magnify simple problems into serious issues . Problems that solved by simple methods

 

[bourbon n blues]

Disneyland State of Mind

Binge drinking,rage and violence the young and entitled.

www.nononsenseselfdefense.com

 

[Obliviax]

I think I’ll knee jerk disagree but I might be objecting to how you’re phrasing . I always told my kids they don’t deserve to feel good about themselves just for existing . But they shouldn’t feel bad about themselves either.
You build competence first , then confidence. Self esteem will come from being a better you by improving your abilities, learning to manage your emotions, and learning to relate to people.
Most of which we can find in the Bible , Win Friends And Influence People, and other similar books. Toss in Jordan Peterson , and Thomas Sowell at an early age and you’ll raise a great kid.
My son was into what I was into and grilling simple foods, working out, and shooting all taught him certain skills . His college buddies were amazed he found grill steaks lol! 🙄
The key was good meat, consistent temperature, and consistent time. It might seem to be a simple thing but it was a useful skill passed down by an adult.

I agree.

Having said that, there are issues out of a parent's control. My daughter is doing well but spent the first 14 months of her life in a Russian orphanage. So many of the foundational items had to be painstakingly built out of sequence (and you still never know the damage that was done below the surface). If you grow up with bad parental guidance, an abuser, drugs, or experienced a traumatic event as a kid, then, all bets are off.

 

[bourbon n blues]

I agree.

Having said that, there are issues out of a parent's control. My daughter is doing well but spent the first 14 months of her life in a Russian orphanage. So many of the foundational items had to be painstakingly built out of sequence (and you still never know the damage that was done below the surface). If you grow up with bad parental guidance, an abuser, drugs, or experienced a traumatic event as a kid, then, all bets are off.

Well I'm sure you're doing your east to raids' her well. And yeah, kids need to be raised a certain way.

 

[retsio]

Well I'm sure you're doing your east to raids' her well. And yeah, kids need to be raised a certain way.

Forgive me if you will, but -- Hopefully Parents 'rear or teach' children, while farmers 'raise or grow' crops. I know and understand we all say we 'grew up' in a certain area (city, town, geo), but the hope is, parents will provide the leadership and education to sustain their lives.

 

[bourbon n blues]

Forgive me if you will, but -- Hopefully Parents 'rear or teach' children, while farmers 'raise or grow' crops. I know and understand we all say we 'grew up' in a certain area (city, town, geo), but the hope is, parents will provide the leadership and education to sustain their lives.

View embedded media

Ok Mr. Pedantic, it's a commonly used phrase. Google it, you'll get plenty of hits.

how you raise your kids - Google Search

www.google.com

 

[retsio]

Ok Mr. Pedantic, it's a commonly used phrase. Google it, you'll get plenty of hits.

how you raise your kids - Google Search

www.google.com

No argument, we all have slang statements that we use all the time, and I make many mistakes everyday, but in writing, research imposes correct usage. Hope you will read my book instead of 'that' search engine, it is available on Amazon -- 'The Value of Three Words..' -- 26 essays all entitled with three words (also an ebook).

 

[bourbon n blues]

No argument, we all have slang statements that we use all the time, and I make many mistakes everyday, but in writing, research imposes correct usage. Hope you will read my book instead of 'that' search engine, it is available on Amazon -- 'The Value of Three Words..' -- 26 essays all entitled with three words (also an ebook).

I’ll pass , it’s accepted language and I don’t need a lecture on common usage . Thanks but I don’t care. 🙄

 

[Cletus11]

Has to be way more to the story, 22 years old is not 18 years old. Seniors in college typically have a decent level of maturity compared to freshman, especially Div 1 athletes. And she had to be really smart to be at Stanford. I doubt we will even know but have to believe it has something to do with sexuality in some way as that is something that I could see being devastating to 'come out' if you come from certain backgrounds.

 

[retsio]

I’ll pass , it’s accepted language and I don’t need a lecture on common usage . Thanks but I don’t care. 🙄

Unfortunate curiosity - for/by you.

 

[Uh Clem]

Agreed re social media poison...as a high school teacher I see the effects daily. The negatives far outweigh the positives. In the end we all find our people...kids today just cast a wider net with a higher number of critics to harass them.

Even for me, I can do 50 things well in an average day where I directly teach 75 or so kids and interact with 100-200 more- but it is that single confrontation, or parent or Principal comment, or situation where I can be better that keeps me up at night. Multiply that by hundreds and hundreds of messages with possibly thousands of "followers" = a shit ton of wasted time + anxiety over people whose opinions you shouldn't give a rats ass about.

I sincerely think social media is an illness for many...

Agree about social media’s negative impact on society. Newspapers used to require that name and address be submitted to editors in order to get opinions printed, even though an author might be granted anonymity. If website required name, address and email address there would be far less boorish behavior online.

 

[bourbon n blues]

Agree about social media’s negative impact on society. Newspapers used to require that name and address be submitted to editors in order to get opinions printed, even though an author might be granted anonymity. If website required name, address and email address there would be far less boorish behavior online.

Nope, Instagram, Tic Toc etc. show plenty of people putting themselves and their lives on full display.

 

[87 Penn St8]

Nope, Instagram, Tic Toc etc. show plenty of people putting themselves and their lives on full display.

Based on my experience you both are correct. Kids still do amazingly stupid things for attention just like when we were younger, but now everyone in a given population is aware of the idiocy/fight/break up/ prank where a k8d pushes someone's buttons to elicit a response while their friend is taping/ large dukie left in a school commode etc. EVERYTHING is becoming digitized to the point that in person face to face communication is awkward for many young people. Having that fully human presence (and potential for an immediate positive or negative response) is something that this generation is missing out on.

The good news is that they tend to be very openminded- it doesn't faze them to play chess with some kid in India or chat about a new K pop song with someone from London or Seoul, but God forbid you ask them to introduce themselves to the kid sitting behind them and share a bit about their weekend....

Every generation has their challenges. I really feel like part of some challenges with ADHD and the type are born from being overstimulated all of the time. It seems exhausting...

 

[CVLion]

Unfortunate curiosity - for/by you.

I hear the term “raise children” far more often than I hear of “rearing” them

 

[WIP2001]

Based on my experience you both are correct.

Every generation has their challenges. I really feel like part of some challenges with ADHD and the type are born from being overstimulated all of the time. It seems exhausting...

Appreciate your perspective in this thread, 87! Have you noticed kids being more sleep deprived in the past few years?

One study shows only 20% of teens get 8hrs of sleep, when they should get 10. Was 35% just a few years ago. I’m sure social media is a big cause from both an addiction standpoint and the stress it causes.

Sleep deprived teens have little emotional resilience.

 

[Uh Clem]

Nope, Instagram, Tic Toc etc. show plenty of people putting themselves and their lives on full display.

Without providing name and address. My point is if there is no anonymity, there would be fewer @ssholes posting crap.

 

[bourbon n blues]

Without providing name and address. My point is if there is no anonymity, there would be fewer @ssholes posting crap.

Not really , there are plenty of people who put it out there anyway . And potentially even more problems . You’re 10-15 years too late for that idea.

 

[bourbon n blues]

I hear the term “raise children” far more often than I hear of “rearing” them

Yeah, some writer or wanna be who thinks he owns language.

 

[Obliviax]

Without providing name and address. My point is if there is no anonymity, there would be fewer @ssholes posting crap.

Social media is still a new thing. People just have to get used to having people attack them verbally or simply talk negatively to them. People will adjust. We've just got to go through the process.

I say this for two reasons. First, the social media cat is out of the bag and there isn't anything anyone can do about it. Second, the thought that someone can censor what is posted in SM scares me to death and is far more harmful over the long run. A quick look at how thinking outside the box with COVID was censored and probably cost thousands of lives: why are we putting sick people in nursing homes, why are we not looking into China's role, masks don't work and are harming school kids, and today, why are we telling people to vaccinate 3-year-old kids? Agree or not, all very valid conversations to have in a functioning society. All of those were suppressed then (and in many cases today).

 

[Cletus11]

Appreciate your perspective in this thread, 87! Have you noticed kids being more sleep deprived in the past few years?

One study shows only 20% of teens get 8hrs of sleep, when they should get 10. Was 35% just a few years ago. I’m sure social media is a big cause from both an addiction standpoint and the stress it causes.

Sleep deprived teens have little emotional resilience.

the issue with kids and sleep is that they have their phone next to their bed so whenever somebody sends them a message it will make a noise and the kid will wake up and roll over and take a look. and then at night, when most kids are getting into bed, they have their phone and are 'texting/snapchatting, etc.." with each other while in bed versus before when they just went to bed and fell asleep. So very common for kids to spend 30-60 minutes at night laying in bed and talking with friends versus going to sleep.

 

[Obliviax]

the issue with kids and sleep is that they have their phone next to their bed so whenever somebody sends them a message it will make a noise and the kid will wake up and roll over and take a look. and then at night, when most kids are getting into bed, they have their phone and are 'texting/snapchatting, etc.." with each other while in bed versus before when they just went to bed and fell asleep. So very common for kids to spend 30-60 minutes at night laying in bed and talking with friends versus going to sleep.

There are several tools to help with this. Both Amazon Alexa app and Eero mesh network have tools where you can go in and shut down devices. iPhones, don't know about Android but am sure they do too, have a setting for "Sleep Focus" time. You can shut down "notifications" between times...say between 10 pm and 7 am. What is cool is that you can break through this as a parent. So lets say your kid has sleep focus on but is out at a party after 10 pm. As a trusted source, you can break through sleep focus and get a notification delivered for a text message or whatever. And while I am on the subject, if someone is in sleep focus mode if you can back twice the phone will ring. My daughter was at a party and had a curfew at 1 am (she is 17 and all of her friends are 18+ and the city has a 1am curfew for minors). I called her at 1:10 to remind her and it went strait to VM. I called back and her phone rang and she picked up. Lots of cool tools, people just aren't aware of them.

 

[retsio]

Yeah, some writer or wanna be who thinks he owns language.

I began my original post with 'forgive me if you will' and explained two different thoughts on the subject. It is unfortunate that your criticism is evident as a callous and negative post, unneeded and not necessary.

I do not know you and you do not know me, therefore additional commentary from my perception will not contain any assumed personality of you. If you wish to call me some type of name - please know something about me before you do.

If you did know how to find me - I am on google, Bing and Amazon - having spent a 55 year career in Marketing and Sales with Fortune 500 companies and starting internet companies and websites. Now, I have almost finished a 5 episode outline for a very popular TV show that I will executive produce, and have additional CBS approval for a 5 episode arc around a book to be completed. Also, a 6 year business plan for 2 companies off-shore with websites that will reach 30 million users per week.

Since I will be 80 years old in January -- I'm still trying, because for me - 'every sunrise and every sunset is a blessing'.

 

[bourbon n blues]

I began my original post with 'forgive me if you will' and explained two different thoughts on the subject. It is unfortunate that your criticism is evident as a callous and negative post, unneeded and not necessary.

I do not know you and you do not know me, therefore additional commentary from my perception will not contain any assumed personality of you. If you wish to call me some type of name - please know something about me before you do.

If you did know how to find me - I am on google, Bing and Amazon - having spent a 55 year career in Marketing and Sales with Fortune 500 companies and starting internet companies and websites. Now, I have almost finished a 5 episode outline for a very popular TV show that I will executive produce, and have additional CBS approval for a 5 episode arc around a book to be completed. Also, a 6 year business plan for 2 companies off-shore with websites that will reach 30 million users per week.

Since I will be 80 years old in January -- I'm still trying, because for me - 'every sunrise and every sunset is a blessing'.

I do not care for a language on commonly used language . Save it for someone else .

 

[Obliviax]

I began my original post with 'forgive me if you will' and explained two different thoughts on the subject. It is unfortunate that your criticism is evident as a callous and negative post, unneeded and not necessary.

I do not know you and you do not know me, therefore additional commentary from my perception will not contain any assumed personality of you. If you wish to call me some type of name - please know something about me before you do.

If you did know how to find me - I am on google, Bing and Amazon - having spent a 55 year career in Marketing and Sales with Fortune 500 companies and starting internet companies and websites. Now, I have almost finished a 5 episode outline for a very popular TV show that I will executive produce, and have additional CBS approval for a 5 episode arc around a book to be completed. Also, a 6 year business plan for 2 companies off-shore with websites that will reach 30 million users per week.

Since I will be 80 years old in January -- I'm still trying, because for me - 'every sunrise and every sunset is a blessing'.

impressive! Congrats to you on all of that. (no snark)