Coaches, I believe, all deserve a certain level of respect for what they do -- unless they cross any of the societal lines where there will be consequences. They are asked to win, plus do their part to develop young people, all the while navigating a landscape that is tougher than ever (social media, unreasonable fans, changing NCAA rules, portals, recruiting that is more intense, RTC's, etc.).
That aside, it's the behaviors we as fans see and little else, whether it's Tom and Terry violating Control of the Mat rules, Ryan's tweets, or others. That's what clouds our judgement into their coaching ability, we often can't see past the antics.
In the end, my experience is that the wrestling coaches are a small fraternity, with far more mutual respect than most know. Yet there are differences of opinion and stressers that cause friction, not unlike any other group in society. Some will never be able to "enjoy a brew together".