OT: 35 and just started dating-what do you think?
- Thread starter PSUALREADYKNOW
- Start date
In this day and age I'd always check their birth certificates to make sure Cindy wasn't born Tom
I have been married for almost 20 years. I could not imagine the complications of dating nowadays!
I recommend two books before you begin dating. I recommend even if in any kind of relationship. "The Happiest Man in Hollywood" and "Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus".
High school coach told us to take a girl swimming on the first date. If she is more worried about her hair and makeup than she wants to have fun….take her home.
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If you find a woman who can drive a manual transmission, marry her.
If you'be been able to stay in decent shape and make a decent living, you are going to find that the worm has turned in reference to who has the power when dating. When you were young, the gals had their pick and were quite spoiled. In the mid-thirties, that changes (of course, I will speak in generalities and there are always exceptions):
Finally, the best advice I ever got on dating was from a Priest that shared my health club. And I've given this advice many times and get thanked for it often. So here it is. The best life partners are people who have realized that they need to reinvent and improve as life goes on. That takes a solid work ethic and the ability to self-assess, good and bad. What you DON"T want is a partner that wants to be entertained. That partner that thinks they are good to go and you are their to entertain them (dinner, movies, vacations, concerts, etc.). That is OK for dating, but not for a long-term solution. So look for people who are always reinventing and improving. Those people can be found at health clubs, college courses, cooking classes, book of the month clubs, volunteer work, charities, etc. They are not often found at bars, nightclubs, dance clubs, wine tasting events, or strip joints.
- First and foremost, women feel vulnerable and seek a safe spot.
- you'll find a lot of "damaged women". by that I mean women that have been abused, had really bad relationships, have angry ex's and have child care burdons. These women are often desperate to find a good guy who wants to help take care of them. You have to be careful here. Can these women be "saved". meaning, are they forever tainted or can they recover if they find the right person?
- Others may not have had bad relationships but still feel their clock ticking. One is time is running out to have children. But women are also much more tied to their physical looks. As we all know, physical looks fade. So they feel that time is running out and are much less aloof.
- What you will find is that there are plenty of women and that they want to please you much more than younger gals did.
- the downside is that many will stock you. For a guy, you may want a gal to have to see a movie or go golfing once in a while. She is looking for a commitment. Don't be surprised that a gal starts texting you daily after the first date and once a commitment after the third date. You may find yourself overwhelmed with choices and pressure. Few women just want a guy to hang with for a day every other week. They are looking for life partners.
- Sex. Jeebus, what a mess. My advice is to avoid sex until you are deep in a relationship and you feel the woman is stable. Ask Tiger Woods and half of any professional men athletes. Listen to Kanye's "Golddigger" song.
Finally, the best advice I ever got on dating was from a Priest that shared my health club. And I've given this advice many times and get thanked for it often. So here it is. The best life partners are people who have realized that they need to reinvent and improve as life goes on. That takes a solid work ethic and the ability to self-assess, good and bad. What you DON"T want is a partner that wants to be entertained. That partner that thinks they are good to go and you are their to entertain them (dinner, movies, vacations, concerts, etc.). That is OK for dating, but not for a long-term solution. So look for people who are always reinventing and improving. Those people can be found at health clubs, college courses, cooking classes, book of the month clubs, volunteer work, charities, etc. They are not often found at bars, nightclubs, dance clubs, wine tasting events, or strip joints.
This thread was started June 1, 2020 and got bumped. Like a lot of "OT" posts on here, it's a great topic. The replies vary among posters. Partly because relationships (all kinds) are so complex. I surmise because---well---we humans are just that, complex. My experience and 2 cents:
“Until one gets comfortable with being alone, they will never know if they're choosing someone out of love or loneliness.”
Oh La La:
“Until one gets comfortable with being alone, they will never know if they're choosing someone out of love or loneliness.”
Oh La La:
35? You should have waited until you were 41. You could have had a movie made about you.
FWIW…I was also a “late bloomer,” started dating seriously in my 30s. Recommendations:
O Don’t overlook older women. Especially those who show interest in you.
O If you’re thinking about having kids, they can be wondrous joys and they can be problems – big and little. Make your relationship with your woman the priority - building a family comes later.
O Physically, once you get into your late 50s, you’re not going to have the virility/stamina you have now. Enjoy what you’ve got now…don’t wait.
O Most importantly…find someone similar in values and ideals. “Opposites attract” worked for Paula Abdul, but in the real world…not so much.
O Finally, if, while dating, a woman gives you “bad vibes” or you sense problems, stop the relationship. Immediately. She is very likely not going to “improve” or “get better” or change in the way you want.
That’s my 2 cents. Best wishes and good luck to you!
O Don’t overlook older women. Especially those who show interest in you.
O If you’re thinking about having kids, they can be wondrous joys and they can be problems – big and little. Make your relationship with your woman the priority - building a family comes later.
O Physically, once you get into your late 50s, you’re not going to have the virility/stamina you have now. Enjoy what you’ve got now…don’t wait.
O Most importantly…find someone similar in values and ideals. “Opposites attract” worked for Paula Abdul, but in the real world…not so much.
O Finally, if, while dating, a woman gives you “bad vibes” or you sense problems, stop the relationship. Immediately. She is very likely not going to “improve” or “get better” or change in the way you want.
That’s my 2 cents. Best wishes and good luck to you!
I’m just back out on the market and can tell you women are down on dating. Women my age and younger women complain. Covid dramatically changed dating. Lots of ghosting and upgrading, pushing for fwb. Women stop dating for extended periods of time. As mentioned, if you are in good shape, financially secure, and don’t have booze, drug, mental, financial issues, you should have some decent dating options.
One of my cousins divorced his wife in his 40s and told me that the dating scene at that age is awful in terms of all the single women in their mid 30s to 40s being mental health damaged goods. He is physically fit (former small school cfb player,) executive level finance guy and when they realize his wealth he is stalked.If you'be been able to stay in decent shape and make a decent living, you are going to find that the worm has turned in reference to who has the power when dating. When you were young, the gals had their pick and were quite spoiled. In the mid-thirties, that changes (of course, I will speak in generalities and there are always exceptions):
- First and foremost, women feel vulnerable and seek a safe spot.
- you'll find a lot of "damaged women". by that I mean women that have been abused, had really bad relationships, have angry ex's and have child care burdons. These women are often desperate to find a good guy who wants to help take care of them. You have to be careful here. Can these women be "saved". meaning, are they forever tainted or can they recover if they find the right person?
- Others may not have had bad relationships but still feel their clock ticking. One is time is running out to have children. But women are also much more tied to their physical looks. As we all know, physical looks fade. So they feel that time is running out and are much less aloof.
- What you will find is that there are plenty of women and that they want to please you much more than younger gals did.
- the downside is that many will stock you. For a guy, you may want a gal to have to see a movie or go golfing once in a while. She is looking for a commitment. Don't be surprised that a gal starts texting you daily after the first date and once a commitment after the third date. You may find yourself overwhelmed with choices and pressure. Few women just want a guy to hang with for a day every other week. They are looking for life partners.
- Sex. Jeebus, what a mess. My advice is to avoid sex until you are deep in a relationship and you feel the woman is stable. Ask Tiger Woods and half of any professional men athletes. Listen to Kanye's "Golddigger" song.
Finally, the best advice I ever got on dating was from a Priest that shared my health club. And I've given this advice many times and get thanked for it often. So here it is. The best life partners are people who have realized that they need to reinvent and improve as life goes on. That takes a solid work ethic and the ability to self-assess, good and bad. What you DON"T want is a partner that wants to be entertained. That partner that thinks they are good to go and you are their to entertain them (dinner, movies, vacations, concerts, etc.). That is OK for dating, but not for a long-term solution. So look for people who are always reinventing and improving. Those people can be found at health clubs, college courses, cooking classes, book of the month clubs, volunteer work, charities, etc. They are not often found at bars, nightclubs, dance clubs, wine tasting events, or strip joints.
For every crazy damaged woman out there, there is an equal number of f’d up men.
I didn't get serious about any woman until a little later in life. 20's and 30's was just for fun time. Around 40 I started thinking about wanting more than that. When you are 40, in shape, and successful, there really are a ton of women interested. But as others have noted, many just weren't going to make a good relationship.
My approach was numbers based. I met a ton of women. Of that, a lot of first dates. Of that, quite a few trial short term relationships and a few that turned into a little longer. Then I met my wife. It's sort of how recruiters work. They chase a massive amount of leads. They follow up on a percentage of those which seem attractive. A percentage of those conversations go to initial appointments. A percentage of those warrant more detailed follow up appointments. Eventually they get a smaller number of viable candidates who get an opportunity to apply. Then you land the most qualified for the job.
My approach was numbers based. I met a ton of women. Of that, a lot of first dates. Of that, quite a few trial short term relationships and a few that turned into a little longer. Then I met my wife. It's sort of how recruiters work. They chase a massive amount of leads. They follow up on a percentage of those which seem attractive. A percentage of those conversations go to initial appointments. A percentage of those warrant more detailed follow up appointments. Eventually they get a smaller number of viable candidates who get an opportunity to apply. Then you land the most qualified for the job.
The Bachelor franchise has ruined dating as we know it
All the updated dating advice is great, but I’m looking for an update from the OP.
His wife won’t let him on the site anymore😂
so my story is that I met my wife on a blind date. She came straight from work and looked a little frumpy. I learned she did research on ADHD kids and University Hospital. so good on that. She was also late. Before mobile phones. I was about to leave but decided to hit the pay phone to check my messages and she left a message saying she'd be late. So between looking like she was dressed like a nun and being late, two strikes already. However, I had just won two tickets to the Cleveland Cavs home opener the next day. I never call into sports talk shows but they had a trivia question I knew and it went, like, 15 minutes without an answer so I called and won to floor tickets to the opener; at that time worth about $300 total. So not having anyone else to take, I asked her if she wanted to join me.
We meet at a restaurant and she shows up in tight jeans, a tight sweater and black cowboy boots. She had an absolutely killer body and did her makeup differently. At half time, I hear a guy yelling out her name. She had just moved back to CLE from Chicago. This guy comes running over and gives her a hug. It was a guy that did the weekend news anchor gig for one of the local network affiliates. So cool, again. Finally, this guy bogarts her for ten minutes and I was starting to get a little pissed. She realizes, and puts her hand on my knee like "hey, I get it, I am trying to get rid of this guy but he's important. Just know I am with you." I suddenly realized I had a really cool gal.
Now, 25 years later, she has a Phd as well as a JD. I got lucky. She is a wonderful wife and partner. So it can happen. But I am not sure what would have happened had I not won those floor seats.
I guess he didn't use The Bronx Tale "door test" that Nitt1300 posted earlier in this thread.
Yes do it.Just remember you are never right about anything once that ring slips on.And practice this responce”Yes dear”
Nice story. Makes one wonder about destiny and how some things are just meant to be. Que Sera Sera!
His girlfriend puts a bag over his head during intimate moments and keeps mentioning someone else’s name.So he’s doing pretty well all things considered
There is a good movie named "sliding doors". The movie goes through two scenarios. the first is that a woman slides into a train while the sliding doors close. She meets a man there and they have a life together. The second scenario is she misses the bus and her life is totally different. Unfortunately, it stars Gwynith Paltrow but if you can get beyond that, it is an interesting move
This thread is great! Shout out to the bot/Russian hacker that rekindled it.
That's a great story. And the last line made me laugh out loud.
In retrospect I wonder if she didn't show up for the first date looking merely okay on purpose. I think it's a good strategy, if you're a hot babe, to purposely not look so hot on the first date and then see if the guy is still interested in a second date, just to make sure he's not after you solely because you're a hot babe.
I am currently in my 14th year as a (volunteer) Batterer's Intervention Group Facilitator. We take men through a 32 week class designed to encourage them to own their behavior, and focusing on the beliefs and attitudes which cause this behavior to be on the list of choices. We are pretty successful at showing men the pathway to change. Many, MANY women, far more than ever call the police, have been physically abused. As a matter of survival, they have engrained sensitivity to anger from men on their consciousness, much like you might stay off the ice on a lake if you fell in once and almost drowned. They will be aware before you are that you are about to get angry.
Having been an abuser, or having been abused, is not something you lead with when you meet some new love interest. With some women, trust will only go so far, and then it ends because abuse has cut off trust in every relationship they have had. Love ain't the thing. Trust is. Without deep trust, "love" is a sham.
Having been an abuser, or having been abused, is not something you lead with when you meet some new love interest. With some women, trust will only go so far, and then it ends because abuse has cut off trust in every relationship they have had. Love ain't the thing. Trust is. Without deep trust, "love" is a sham.
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