I want to start this message off by acknowledging how appreciative I am of my college experience here at Penn State. I have made so many positive memories and been surrounded by overwhelmingly incredible people, incredible wrestling, and incredible fans. Above all I will always be grateful for my time here and the opportunity to do what I love.
Being part of such a small sport means that we as wrestlers generally have a pretty good idea of where to expect fans to share their thoughts, this forum being one of them. For the most part, a lot of us try to steer clear of spaces like these for the sake of our mental health, as we never know how people are going to react to our performances, especially when the outcomes differ from what fans may have wanted or expected to see. As an athlete, it can be frustrating. As a human, I completely understand wanting to have a space where you can share your thoughts freely. I don’t blame anyone for their passion, and there have been times where it has been truly awesome seeing some of the positive things people have said during my college career. I try every day to be the best person that I can be, and I love hearing the positivity I try to put into the world being returned to me in the form of kind words and comments.
As much as I love seeing people who are passionate about wrestling, one thing that never ceases to surprise me is how quickly some of the anonymous users on this message board are to make unwarranted personal attacks about people they know little to nothing about. You love this program because of the gratitude we display, and you admire the characters of the overwhelming majority of my teammates and I, but the same character seems to be lacking on this message board after we don’t perform the way you expect, or when someone says something you disagree with.
Despite my mostly positive time here, there is a significant piece of my experience as an athlete at Penn State that I have kept quiet on for a long time. One that as hard as I tried to suppress, hindered my mental health and day to day life here in a big way. Whatever my wife has said to cause a stir in this forum, just know that she could absolutely say so much more, but she hasn’t out of respect for me and my inability to feel comfortable sharing my experience in full due to the fear of how it will be perceived. My wife is someone who will do anything to defend the people she loves. She has had to listen to the things I’ve gone through while here, she’s had to listen to the even worse things her friends and other women have personally gone through over the years due to this same individual, she’s had to listen to the stories of my teammates and what they’ve experienced at the hands of this person, and she’s remained quiet through all of it despite being the most outspoken person I know, because there is a certain sense of intimidation that looms throughout the room and outside of it, and so many people, myself included, will more than likely never feel safe coming forward with their full stories. As I share what little I am with you, I know that many of you will ask yourselves why, if things happened, were they not reported? The short answer is that they were. I tried to go to the right people, and like many others, was told that there wasn’t really anything that could be done. This does not mean that the fault lies in the individuals I went to. The fault lies in the unfortunate fact that often times justice is difficult to obtain, even with evidence. I know that I am being vague here. I understand that by sharing what I am choosing to share here, I could cause people to view me differently. But as much courage as this takes to say, I know there are other people in this sport and outside of it that go through similar situations and I want them to know that they are not alone.
Say whatever you need to about me. Criticize my athletic performances, my views, or my character. I truly have no issue with that. But when you involve my wife, and choose to use our wedding (which by the way was a 20 minute ceremony that we did in our pajamas the day after the Open), or a “crazy honeymoon” (that didn’t even happen until last week) as things to blame for my losses, I cannot allow that to happen without speaking up. When you take a screenshot of one sentence she posted onto her story after another wrestler she admires wins a match and use it to fuel your negativity despite not knowing her personally, that is when I feel the need to step in.
Unfortunately I don’t yet have the confidence to share my entire story, and I applaud and admire those who are willing to come forward with theirs, in spite of the all too often scenarios where their experiences are immediately minimized, overlooked, or just all together not believed.
I look to incorporate the themes and values you hear in association with Penn State wrestling in my day to day because I truly believe that they are the keys to living a fruitful life, and I encourage others to do the same. Any one person does not make an entire program, and I can’t emphasize enough how many good people I’ve had the privilege of being surrounded by here every day. With this in mind I just want to encourage people to keep the focus on us as athletes while remembering that we are also humans who go through so many different situations off the mat that you don’t see. If you have any criticisms or comments, keep them about me. If you have anything you’d like to say to me directly, feel free to message me on any platform, preferably with your name attached to your account. Thank you.