The better takes I've read on this don't start from the assumption that if Guy A is right, Guy B is wrong. Both could be right about a few things and in the wrong elsewhere, simultaneously even. Only headline writers need a winner vs loser narrative.
I agree that Tom is generally justified in running the program in the way that he did; Ramos doesn't have an exclusive right to the room at the weight, and I don't think DD leaving and returning, in comparison to McDonough, is a distinction without a difference. Ramos was probably naive in thinking that he had a right to such exclusivity, regardless of what he was told. Airing his complaints publicly is further indication of naivete, because otherwise he'd have known it would play out poorly for him (it definitely has).
That said, if you credit Ramos' statements as sincere, which I do, Tom seems to have done a bad job of communicating expectations. Maybe they thought they'd never have to confront the implications of a DD Ramos match, much less in the finals; if so, they gambled when they should have been clear about how that match would play out in advance. Maybe part of that calculation was misplaced reliance on Ramos' maturity. Tough to speculate.
I've never been a Ramos fan (and Dennis was clearly going to be a tougher out for opponents in Rio) but I do feel for him because I'm not sure he deserves the degree of derision he's brought on himself. Ultimately, I think this is mostly about blame shifting a huge loss; a loss greatly compounded by the CHA fans cheering for his opponent, someone Ramos looked at as an outsider and prodigal son, rightly or wrongly.