Occasion: Wedding of my wife's nephew
Location: Bethlehem, Pa
Frustration: Wife's entire family seems to be women
My wife and I arrived at the Best Western motel shortly after noon this past Friday. Several members of her family were already there and the remainder began to pour in. That evening the women, 20 or so, decided to have a "catch up" get together at a local tavern. When they left I donned some Penn State Wrestling attire and headed to the lounge. It was crowded but I eventually found a seat at the corner of the bar and settled in.To my left, at the other corner seat sat a man, some 30 years my junior, in a bright green shirt with the large letters "FLO" over the top of an equally large Easter egg prominently displayed across the front. It seemed unusual but I thought, Tis the Season. When the bartender came I ordered a draft and a round for my new found friend. I received a barely audible "thanks" and shortly thereafter my Natty Bo and his Miller (with a Crown Royal chaser) arrived. I mentioned his FLO shirt and he very slowly (I'm sure he had been there for quite some time) looked my way. His eyes never reached mine as he instantly focused on the Penn State Wrestling logo on my shirt. His face lost what little expression it had and the following is the "Cliff Note" version of the nearly 3 hour conversation that ensued.
FloGuy: Your boy cost me.
PJ: My boy?
FG: Your boy Cutch. He cost me a helluva lot.
PJ: Matt McCutcheon? How?
FG: By running his mouth about Willie Saylor after they were done shooting that PSU vs FLO whiteboard video.
PJ: Oh yea! I saw that. Darn funny stuff, but I can assure you Matt is not the type to "run his mouth"
FG: Yea it was funny until the camera stopped rolling. That's when one of Willie's sources heard Cutch tell ViJo "You know I would bonus Willie in a real match"
PJ: So you're telling me that Willie has "sources', people "inside" the room?
FG: Of course he does. He's not going to rely on Cael, Casey or Cody to provide all of the information he needs to recruit on Penn State's behalf.
PJ: That's just made up stuff from the Iowa and Minnesota wrestling forums.
FG: You keep believing that! I guess you believe there's no "Slush Fund" either.
PJ: Well, I guess that all ends now. (with a hint of sarcasm)
FG: No, that will never end. Willie is doing his job and the compensation covers his beer money.
PJ: Well, if any of this was true the NCAA would have been all over it.
FG: They were! They had Willie's house under surveillance. He knew it the day after they started. Willie kept finding empty "Smirnoff' bottles along with hundreds of dollars worth of losing Megamillion and Powerball tickets that were purchased in Iowa. This stuff was under every tree, bush and shrub on Willie's property. It wasn't long before the Easton PD caught the guy as he staggered along the road 20 feet from the end of Willie's driveway. Willie was there as they took him away. He said the guy kept yelling "cheaters, cheaters, cheaters as they loaded him up.
PJ: Well all of this is fascinating stuff but how does it lead up to your current predicament?
FG: Oh yea. Two days after the Flo video aired, negotiations began, the day after that an agreement reached. The "Match of the Century" was on. The news spread quickly. Madison Square Garden was booked thanks to Marty ***** from Bellevue, Long Island. Referee was to be Fred Ambrose who said this might be the only match he ever worked where the fans actually came to see the wrestlers. Jeff Byers was selected to be the announcer. Willie balked at this but Cutch was adamant (No Ironhead, No Match). Weight was set at 197 with a 20 pound weight allowance. That way there would be no excuses for cutch and Willie could safely cut 2 pounds a week for six months. The date was set for Easter Sunday so only the most ardent wrestling fans would attend. Las Vegas got wind of the event and multiple betting lines/odds were established. Willie was a 5-2 favorite right out of the gate. Everything was going better than could possibly be expected, everything was great, it was perfect. (woefully) Then all of it went down the drain when Cutch got hurt, all of it.
He fell silent. I looked at my watch and found 2 hours had gone by in the blink of an eye. When the very attentive bartender came back FG pointed at his empties which had been coming regularly at a rate of 4 per hour. The bartender looked at me and I nodded, pointing at my glass as well. The drinks arrived quickly, he picked up the shot of Crown Royal first, slowly drank half, sat it down and then took a long draw from his Miller. Staring straight ahead he began to speak again.
FG: I was in charge of Marketing. I knew this was big, the opportunity of a lifetime. My dilemma, how to promote a match between: Willie Saylor, an expert wrestler in all phases, versus Matt McCutcheon, by his own admission a "One Trick Pony" (pull on the head, dive for an ankle). After 36 arduous, sleepless hours I had the answer. It was obvious, obvious as the nose on my face. (Looking at me, a sense of pride spread across his face and a full 10 seconds later he let it out) The "WEEBLE"
PJ: The what?
FG: The Weeble! (Leaning back from the bar and pointing to the front of his shirt)
Willie "The Weeble" Saylor.
PJ: DAMN! (what I thought was an Easter Egg was indeed a weeble with an image of Willie, in a singlet no less, (catering to the old school fans?) elaborately painted on the front.
FG: Don't you see? Don't you get it? Cutch and ViJo both agreed that he is a "One Trick Pony" head, ankle, head, ankle. That won't work on Willie because just like the weeble, no one and I mean no one knows where Willie's head and neck end and his ankles begin. Cutch wouldn't know where to begin.
While staring my way he realized his stroke of genius was lost on me. His mood once again became somber. Another round of Miller, Crown Royal and silence.
FG: I already had 5,000 of these shirts made when i found out that Willie hated the idea and especially the shirts. $25,000 of my own money down the drain. Word got out about my problem. I got a call from a guy in Flaming, Minnesota. He said he was the proprietor of the "Jammenz Worthless Shirt Company". He said he would buy my entire inventory for 10 cents on the dollar. I said no way, but he was very insistent. He had a creepy, hypnotic voice and I found I was unable to hang up. A sense of panic set in and I'm sure i was about to suffer the same fate as "Multiple Miggs" after being berated by Hannibal Lecter. My girlfriend noticed my impending doom and knocked the phone from my hand. That guy could be the entire storyline on season 6 of "Fargo", he's only an hour away.
I took a swallow of my beer and at the same time noticed my wife coming coming my way. I told her I would be up shortly.
PJ: Well my friend its getting late.
FG: How about one more round? One for the road?
PJ: One more an then I must go.
FG: Willie was my hero, he was my mentor (as the bartender arrived he grabbed the Miller from his hand before he could sit it down and drank half of it in four swallows) I'm not allowed at any Flo sponsored events and I'm out 25 grand. I'm glad the season is over, I need a break. (he finished his beer and looked my way) How's Cutch?
PJ: Matt's doing great.
FG: Good! That's good! I wish him the best. (he slowly finished his Crown Royal and rose from his stool extending his hand) Paul Cruise is my name. Paul from Piscataway, NJ. Thanks for the drinks.
PJ: My name's Greg **** from York, Pa and you're more than welcome, it's been a pleasure to meet you. Driving?
FG: No, I have a room. (he turned and slowly walked away seemingly no worse for wear)
AS I write this now I wonder how much of it, if any was true. If so, I know where I'd have been today. Madison Square Garden attending "The Match of the Century"
Location: Bethlehem, Pa
Frustration: Wife's entire family seems to be women
My wife and I arrived at the Best Western motel shortly after noon this past Friday. Several members of her family were already there and the remainder began to pour in. That evening the women, 20 or so, decided to have a "catch up" get together at a local tavern. When they left I donned some Penn State Wrestling attire and headed to the lounge. It was crowded but I eventually found a seat at the corner of the bar and settled in.To my left, at the other corner seat sat a man, some 30 years my junior, in a bright green shirt with the large letters "FLO" over the top of an equally large Easter egg prominently displayed across the front. It seemed unusual but I thought, Tis the Season. When the bartender came I ordered a draft and a round for my new found friend. I received a barely audible "thanks" and shortly thereafter my Natty Bo and his Miller (with a Crown Royal chaser) arrived. I mentioned his FLO shirt and he very slowly (I'm sure he had been there for quite some time) looked my way. His eyes never reached mine as he instantly focused on the Penn State Wrestling logo on my shirt. His face lost what little expression it had and the following is the "Cliff Note" version of the nearly 3 hour conversation that ensued.
FloGuy: Your boy cost me.
PJ: My boy?
FG: Your boy Cutch. He cost me a helluva lot.
PJ: Matt McCutcheon? How?
FG: By running his mouth about Willie Saylor after they were done shooting that PSU vs FLO whiteboard video.
PJ: Oh yea! I saw that. Darn funny stuff, but I can assure you Matt is not the type to "run his mouth"
FG: Yea it was funny until the camera stopped rolling. That's when one of Willie's sources heard Cutch tell ViJo "You know I would bonus Willie in a real match"
PJ: So you're telling me that Willie has "sources', people "inside" the room?
FG: Of course he does. He's not going to rely on Cael, Casey or Cody to provide all of the information he needs to recruit on Penn State's behalf.
PJ: That's just made up stuff from the Iowa and Minnesota wrestling forums.
FG: You keep believing that! I guess you believe there's no "Slush Fund" either.
PJ: Well, I guess that all ends now. (with a hint of sarcasm)
FG: No, that will never end. Willie is doing his job and the compensation covers his beer money.
PJ: Well, if any of this was true the NCAA would have been all over it.
FG: They were! They had Willie's house under surveillance. He knew it the day after they started. Willie kept finding empty "Smirnoff' bottles along with hundreds of dollars worth of losing Megamillion and Powerball tickets that were purchased in Iowa. This stuff was under every tree, bush and shrub on Willie's property. It wasn't long before the Easton PD caught the guy as he staggered along the road 20 feet from the end of Willie's driveway. Willie was there as they took him away. He said the guy kept yelling "cheaters, cheaters, cheaters as they loaded him up.
PJ: Well all of this is fascinating stuff but how does it lead up to your current predicament?
FG: Oh yea. Two days after the Flo video aired, negotiations began, the day after that an agreement reached. The "Match of the Century" was on. The news spread quickly. Madison Square Garden was booked thanks to Marty ***** from Bellevue, Long Island. Referee was to be Fred Ambrose who said this might be the only match he ever worked where the fans actually came to see the wrestlers. Jeff Byers was selected to be the announcer. Willie balked at this but Cutch was adamant (No Ironhead, No Match). Weight was set at 197 with a 20 pound weight allowance. That way there would be no excuses for cutch and Willie could safely cut 2 pounds a week for six months. The date was set for Easter Sunday so only the most ardent wrestling fans would attend. Las Vegas got wind of the event and multiple betting lines/odds were established. Willie was a 5-2 favorite right out of the gate. Everything was going better than could possibly be expected, everything was great, it was perfect. (woefully) Then all of it went down the drain when Cutch got hurt, all of it.
He fell silent. I looked at my watch and found 2 hours had gone by in the blink of an eye. When the very attentive bartender came back FG pointed at his empties which had been coming regularly at a rate of 4 per hour. The bartender looked at me and I nodded, pointing at my glass as well. The drinks arrived quickly, he picked up the shot of Crown Royal first, slowly drank half, sat it down and then took a long draw from his Miller. Staring straight ahead he began to speak again.
FG: I was in charge of Marketing. I knew this was big, the opportunity of a lifetime. My dilemma, how to promote a match between: Willie Saylor, an expert wrestler in all phases, versus Matt McCutcheon, by his own admission a "One Trick Pony" (pull on the head, dive for an ankle). After 36 arduous, sleepless hours I had the answer. It was obvious, obvious as the nose on my face. (Looking at me, a sense of pride spread across his face and a full 10 seconds later he let it out) The "WEEBLE"
PJ: The what?
FG: The Weeble! (Leaning back from the bar and pointing to the front of his shirt)
Willie "The Weeble" Saylor.
PJ: DAMN! (what I thought was an Easter Egg was indeed a weeble with an image of Willie, in a singlet no less, (catering to the old school fans?) elaborately painted on the front.
FG: Don't you see? Don't you get it? Cutch and ViJo both agreed that he is a "One Trick Pony" head, ankle, head, ankle. That won't work on Willie because just like the weeble, no one and I mean no one knows where Willie's head and neck end and his ankles begin. Cutch wouldn't know where to begin.
While staring my way he realized his stroke of genius was lost on me. His mood once again became somber. Another round of Miller, Crown Royal and silence.
FG: I already had 5,000 of these shirts made when i found out that Willie hated the idea and especially the shirts. $25,000 of my own money down the drain. Word got out about my problem. I got a call from a guy in Flaming, Minnesota. He said he was the proprietor of the "Jammenz Worthless Shirt Company". He said he would buy my entire inventory for 10 cents on the dollar. I said no way, but he was very insistent. He had a creepy, hypnotic voice and I found I was unable to hang up. A sense of panic set in and I'm sure i was about to suffer the same fate as "Multiple Miggs" after being berated by Hannibal Lecter. My girlfriend noticed my impending doom and knocked the phone from my hand. That guy could be the entire storyline on season 6 of "Fargo", he's only an hour away.
I took a swallow of my beer and at the same time noticed my wife coming coming my way. I told her I would be up shortly.
PJ: Well my friend its getting late.
FG: How about one more round? One for the road?
PJ: One more an then I must go.
FG: Willie was my hero, he was my mentor (as the bartender arrived he grabbed the Miller from his hand before he could sit it down and drank half of it in four swallows) I'm not allowed at any Flo sponsored events and I'm out 25 grand. I'm glad the season is over, I need a break. (he finished his beer and looked my way) How's Cutch?
PJ: Matt's doing great.
FG: Good! That's good! I wish him the best. (he slowly finished his Crown Royal and rose from his stool extending his hand) Paul Cruise is my name. Paul from Piscataway, NJ. Thanks for the drinks.
PJ: My name's Greg **** from York, Pa and you're more than welcome, it's been a pleasure to meet you. Driving?
FG: No, I have a room. (he turned and slowly walked away seemingly no worse for wear)
AS I write this now I wonder how much of it, if any was true. If so, I know where I'd have been today. Madison Square Garden attending "The Match of the Century"
