I will try to answer some of your questions and concerns;
But first, my resume - I am a licensed HVAC contractor in WNC. Full disclosure, I retired from the USCG, went into HVAC in eastern NC. In 2008 housing market collapsed along with my business. I kept my HVAC business but on a much smaller scale. Now I am a maritime consultant and I help a contractor in WNC where I live, so I'm still up to date on industry standards.
1. There is no such thing as tonnage vs square footage. There's a guess, which is 1 ton for every 650 sgft, but that's BS. You want your installer to do a heat load calculation. It takes into account the insulation in your walls and attic, the condition of doors and windows etc. It all counts. You want to know the biggest factor? It's the condition of your duct work. Is your duct work in an attic or crawl space? I can't tell you how many times a home owner will want a new "more efficient" unit, but pay no attention to the condition of their 30 year old leaky duct work. It makes zero sense. These days, the "efficiency" comes from a much more insulated, and tighter air handling system. The standard now a days is "leak free" duct work.
2. It's true that there are a very few manufacturers of compressors, fan motors and air coils, so the equipment manufactures all use the same stuff. No HVAC equipment supplier builds their own compressors, coils, fan motors etc. They just put it all together.
3. Here's my opinion on equipment - every manufacturer has at least a couple brand names in their line. American Standard = Trane, same unit, different name. Carrier = Payne, Rudd = Rheem. Lennox is Lennox. What's the best money can buy? Well, if you have really big bucks, Maytag makes a 100% stainless steel split system heat pump. But the best brand you would recognize IMHO is Lennox. American Standard and Trane are very good, but I think you pay for the name with those units. A really good compromise between price and quality is a Carrier or Payne. That's what I try to sell customers.
4. Yes, R410A operates at higher pressures, so what? You couldn't by an R22 unit if you wanted to. They are not manufactured. What I noticed is the R410A unit are physically larger, thus the claim that they are more efficient. In fact, they are just unit with a larger capacity to cool. R410A heat and cool much better then old R22.
5. Here's what I see a lot of and I really like, maybe not for Texas, but for colder climates is duel fuel systems. Heat pumps combined with a gas furnace. So the heat pump is the a/c for summer, but in the winter, the HP takes care of heating the home until it gets below freezing outside, then when it's really cold, the gas furnace takes over.
6. Do you have a split system heat pump? For between $6000 to $7000 you can have the equipment replaced. If your duct work is for crap, don't do it, you wont be happy. Bite the bullet, and ask the contactor for a quote to replace the duct work. Insist on at least R24 insulated duct work.
7. Do you live in a two story house? In most states, the energy code requires a thermostat on every floor that can be "occupied". Meaning it has bedroom or bathrooms. That's where all these "zone" systems come in. I'm not a huge fan of zoning, but if it's dome right, it works. I like a separate system for each story of a home.
8. There's a lot more to "heat pumps". A lot. I could write another post all together. Air or water source, make up heat, defrost cycles etc. etc. etc.
9. Mini splits, and of course the crème dela crème, water source heat pumps are a different topic, let me know if you have an interest in those.