I think there's a famous quote attributed to some dearly departed physicist about that very type of behavior.
Divorce Advice?
- Thread starter fkkkjm
- Start date
I know of a dozen marriages where the best thing that happened is that they broke up.
I think everyone has a right to be happy and if you are not happy in your marriage then getting a divorce may be necessary. Just because you are divorcing your wife, you are not divorcing your children, you will always be their father and you don't have to see them everyday to be a good father (just ask any dad in the military).
The more amicably you can work it out, the easier it will be for you and your children and it will save you a lot of money. No matter what she says, get a lawyer. There is no reason that you can't end things on friendly terms, but in my opinion, remaining friends isn't the top priority. Make sure that you get what you are entitled to (varies by state) and maintain a good relationship with your children.
The more amicably you can work it out, the easier it will be for you and your children and it will save you a lot of money. No matter what she says, get a lawyer. There is no reason that you can't end things on friendly terms, but in my opinion, remaining friends isn't the top priority. Make sure that you get what you are entitled to (varies by state) and maintain a good relationship with your children.
I’ve had close friends and relatives go thru divorce. Some with young children. None of them were truly amicable. The best scenario were the parents that honestly put the welfare of the kids above everything else. Sometimes tolerating uncomfortable situations or seemingly unfair who pays what and when. If both of you view every decision thru the lenses of what is best for your kids they may get thru it relatively unscathed
I read some sage advice directed at Dell Curry (Stephen's dad) about what its like to date these days, after he announced he was getting a divorce.
LOL..hilarious!
My personal story, and from many others it could be the same, after I got over the divorce I started dating. I wanted to date every hot gal on the planet. Then I learned that you have two options directionally: damaged divorced moms or single crazy girls. If I took a gal to dinner and a movie, my phone would blow up: had a great time>can't wait till we go out again>haven't heard from you>did I do something wrong?> WTF is wrong with you!> I will NOT BE IGNORED> you can go F yourself, have a nice life> sorry, can we talk?
I got invited into a threesome with a gal that was a dancer for Radiohead. learned I am not a ménage à trois guy. I went out with two hot strippers that were less than hot in real life and hated men.
I found a nice gal who started to pressure me to get married in a couple of weeks.
Then I met my wife as a result of a blind date and the luck that I won two courtside Cavs tickets. She was the epitome of cool. One night, she came to my apartment in a full-length mink. There was a CCD camera where I could see the lobby on my TV and a doorman. He buzzed up and said that there was a young lady wanting to be let up and if I was OK with that. I asked if she was armed. He said "oooh, let me ask. Ma'am, do you have any concealed weapons?" She said, cooly, "Several". He spoke into the phone "Sir, she said she has several concealed weapons!" I said "Send her right up!" That was it, I was done. "You had me at 'concealed weapons'" is our line.
My personal story, and from many others it could be the same, after I got over the divorce I started dating. I wanted to date every hot gal on the planet. Then I learned that you have two options directionally: damaged divorced moms or single crazy girls. If I took a gal to dinner and a movie, my phone would blow up: had a great time>can't wait till we go out again>haven't heard from you>did I do something wrong?> WTF is wrong with you!> I will NOT BE IGNORED> you can go F yourself, have a nice life> sorry, can we talk?
I got invited into a threesome with a gal that was a dancer for Radiohead. learned I am not a ménage à trois guy. I went out with two hot strippers that were less than hot in real life and hated men.
I found a nice gal who started to pressure me to get married in a couple of weeks.
Then I met my wife as a result of a blind date and the luck that I won two courtside Cavs tickets. She was the epitome of cool. One night, she came to my apartment in a full-length mink. There was a CCD camera where I could see the lobby on my TV and a doorman. He buzzed up and said that there was a young lady wanting to be let up and if I was OK with that. I asked if she was armed. He said "oooh, let me ask. Ma'am, do you have any concealed weapons?" She said, cooly, "Several". He spoke into the phone "Sir, she said she has several concealed weapons!" I said "Send her right up!" That was it, I was done. "You had me at 'concealed weapons'" is our line.
Thanks fellas for the suggestions. I’ll let you know how things play out. Had a good talk today and definitely think there’s hope if the two of us can break out of some stupid/selfish habits.
Ha, that is a good line and yeah, shows the kind of person she is.
Humor and confidence is a good combination.
You married each other for a reason. The two of you need to find that reason again together.
I married a divorced woman with a 3 y/o. Father was still in the picture. It was rough going with the father for a couple of years until he realized that I wasn't trying to take over being the father. I was just another adult assisting in raising his son. Today (28 years later),I will say the past 20 years have been wonderful.
We all get along.
We all get along.
Yes, they got married for a reason, but a lot of people get married for a reason that really isn't a good reason to get married.
Hope things work out for you. In the meantime hide out in the basement like I do when I need to get away!
Head over to the Test Board. You can shake them out with a stick there.
And sometimes the person you married ends up being a much different person than the one you thought you married.
I know several on second marriage and every one is much happier. Seem more relaxed. Maybe the expectations are different as they realize no one is perfect, even themselves.
My kids were 4 and 8 when my wife filed for divorce. Both boys were not the same again, sorry to say. Avoid it if at all possible, but if she’s going to shit on you, then divorce her. But get full custody of the kids. I repeat: Get full custody of the kids. They will need as much stability as possible. That was my one mistake. I tried to be the nice guy and do the 50-50 split but it did not work. My boys never got the true stability they needed at their young ages. Get full custody and give your traveling wife time every other weekend or once a month. If traveling is so important to her lifestyle (and booze) she should give up her mother stripes. She doesn’t deserve them. Good luck.
This is good advice. Where most guys go wrong when they get married is turning into a weak, wife pleasing guy. You think that is what the wife wants and she thinks so too but it’s really not. You have to be a man. I figured that out about 15 years in and it’s changed my marriage for the better.
That’s why I waited 10 years to get married.
How many dopes propose in less than a year.
This ain’t a damn Disney movie
I was divorced’. My advice is to sit down. Talk then talk more. Then talk more... find a way to work it out if possible. Your kids deserve you both giving it every possible effort. I was divorced and over the years my friends would ask ... what is it like taking kids back to their Mom ? My response is true...’ it is like going to a funeral every time..’ it never gets easier, it never is okay, it never feels acceptable... it is like attending a funeral for your loved one. Please do better than I did... try and then try harder. I swear you will be glad you did.
It’s all about the children - period.
it’s not about you or your wife.
get a good marriage counselor. Go and keep going. Once the couple gets through the finger pointing you will then focus on what you can do to get the responses you want from her.
Don’t kid yourself. She is feeling exactly the way you are. Your feelings are not unique.
Why is she drinking? Stale marriage? Constant criticism?
Chauvinism? Etc…..Eventually you ask yourself what could I have done differently to make this marriage work? She needs to do the same. It’s all about the children.
it takes two for a relationship to fail. If she’s an alcoholic that is a separate treatment impacting the marriage. Why is she drinking and desiring attention?
Have you offered for the family to move with her and you commute?
Can you work remotely?
Anyway, there’s a lot more going on here that needs to be discovered and discussed.
Bottom line line: it’s ALL about the kids. Do everything you can to save the marriage. don’t pull the plug and screw them up. The two parents are screwing up. The kids haven’t done anything wrong!
New relationships after divorce will really impact children. I won’t get into those exponential bullshit problems.
Good luck. Find a GOOD counselor.! Spend the money!!! W
I’ve found a MS degree is the best chance a good one.
I wish I could add some sage advice, but I cannot.
I can only tell @fkkkjm, you will find the support you need on this board, as you go through whatever journey you have to go through.
I can only tell @fkkkjm, you will find the support you need on this board, as you go through whatever journey you have to go through.
'it takes two for a relationship to fail.' I don't know about that. More like it takes two for a relationship to work. Some people are just horrible people and unless you are willing to be a doormat and punching bag there is no way to stay married. I agree try to make it work and do what is best for the kids but the other person may not see it that way. Everyone loves their kids right? It's the most natural thing in the world. No, not everyone loves their kids. Some people don't give a crap about them. Some people hate them. It's just reality and not a comment about the original poster's situation.
Do everything you can to try and save your marriage before you bail out of the commitment. Better for all parties if you can fix it . Apparently you two had it together once so try really hard to get it back before you bail.
i speak from experience, sometimes divorce is the only option. Put the kids first, make it amicable, and be the person you've always been and hopefully she changes. trust me the kids will figure it out, they're not stupid. your 9 yo prolly already has an inkling that mommy's off the rails and the 3yo will find out soon if she doesn't get it under control. just don't bad mouth her in front of them, it sounds like you wouldn't anyway and hopefully she can do the same, if not, it's going to haunt her in the long run. a bad marriage and staying together for the kids does no one any good.
Who was drivin Ruff N' Reckless
Who came at who's neck miss
Radiohead cut in and strut the necklace
Who came at who's neck miss
Radiohead cut in and strut the necklace
It was the greatest Happy Days since I was varsity jogging in my best throwback Pitino track suit and ya mother pulled up Full Leather Jacket and said AAAAAAAAAAAyyy
It's not quite that black and white. Sure, if a couple is constantly fighting or there's abuse, then it might be best for the kids if they end it. But divorce is very scarring for children with lifelong impact. It should be the last resort.
Define “bad marriage “ . A bit too general a statement. May have different meaning to the reader.
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