Pretty much all the time. Living a life together reveals things that dating doesn’t (I was with my wife seven years before we got married). Expectations differ on what marriage should be and causes people to be different than the person you dated (and that applies to both parties). I’ve told my daughter a million times, marry the person for who he is, not what you think you can change him to be.
Don’t do it OP. You’ll barely see your kids, you’ll pay child support, you may pay alimony, and some holidays will suck without your kids. Your relatives will have significantly reduced visibility to your kids. Your kids may find it difficult to adjust to new living situations, and may have difficulty adjusting without daddy. You’ll be in a living hell while you adjust to the new normal. You will be lonely and You will likely be screwed in court, especially in the northeast, as things are stacked against the husband.
Agree 100% about if you try marriage counseling choose a therapist wisely. First realize both parties have to fully buy into the idea of resolving any problem and if that is not the case it is a waste of time. If your partner has a narcissistic personality meaning they are controlling and emotionally abusive among other things they don't look to resolve a problem. They look to win a fight and not just win but bulldoze over you. Marriage counseling is just another battlefield. So the goal is not to reach and agreement and solve a problem but argue and win the therapist over to their side so it is two against one. A lot of the times it happens because they are good at it. They are manipulative and like to argue...and argue and argue and argue and argue. A lot of therapists do not understand this for whatever reason. Maybe it is because they try to see the good in everybody but doesn't say much about the profession of marriage and family counseling. So yes, be sure to find someone who has an understanding of this type of personality.
Counselors aren’t miracle workers, but what they may be able to do, is help the couple better communicate with one another, if they are having trouble doing so on their own. Clearly, the couple has a communication problem. Good counselors are fair and balanced, and the purpose of the sessions isn’t to assign blame, but rather is to fix problems. I concede that this isn’t always possible. But at least the attempt should be made.
Going out isn’t the cause. It’s a symptom. But congrats on 30 years.
Willing to bet those friends that disappeared were married. Married women hate single men as they are a bad influence on their husbands. Come and go as you please, meet lots of single women, drink and party excessively, and more. Not saying that is a better lifestyle....just saying it is seen as a threat.
Doesn’t matter. The fact is that after a divorce you suddenly have a lot freedom to do as you want. Go fishing all day, golf, travel, whatever. And eventually you start dating and then tell stories. All of that can look tempting to a married guy and the wives see that as a threat.
After my divorce I went through an entire year of work->home->sleep repeat. I counted the hours until I saw my kids, which was every other weekend. On the weekends I was alone I tried to preoccupy myself with my hobby. The thought of eternal loneliness was scary. Like you most of my friends didn’t want to be bothered and they slowly disappeared. One friend did keep in touch, but he was a single guy with no kids so no matter what we discussed it always ended with “ you need to move on, just move on and you’ll be ok.” Still, it was nice having someone to call and talk to once or twice a week. Then a miracle happened. I met a very nice woman who was going through a divorce. One thing led to another and we have been together for almost 11 years.
You just described me. Thanks!
Divorce rates in the US are about 50%, meaning 50% of all marriages will end in divorce. Of those, about half end before year 8, and half of those end before year 2, so about 25% of divorces end within 2 years! Clearly many don't follow my advice that you seem to think is trivial? Yep, no shit.
I am sorry, I was in 100% total agreement with your argument. My first wife walked out after eight months. I was in Knoxville at the time and when I got back to Washington all my friends said that nobody had thought we would last. Nobody was surprised we got divorced. My second wife’s parents were both college professors. Draw your own conclusions.
Do the wives of your married friends always try to fix you up with their friends? Do they always have ‘the perfect girl’ for you? Getting you hitched puts you in the safe zone!
You know, that was a thing for a while. What I found out was
Bingo. I lost a cousin who was like a brother to me for that very reason. I was in the wedding. Got divorced a few years later. That relationship tailed off to non-existent. I don't even drink or party excessively
Hmm...exceedingly controlling and needed much more communication than you were able to give. I'm seeing a pattern in this thread of men divorcing a particular personality style. Let me guess further:
To me, women talking in long stretches is like when I take a walk. They just seem to enjoy having their lips move which is more than fine. I enjoy being in a walk just for its own sake. Lots of talking just doesn't work for me, and is sometimes really painful when I have to make up things to talk about when I am not really interested.
I wouldn't even try to add to what's been written here. I just wish the OP the best in this matter. My wife and I are fortunate. Today was our thirty-first anniversary. At one point I was being pretty annoying and she said, "Now it really feels like 31 years." We laughed and I switched back to good behavior mode.
Not really correct. She is Chinese and many Chinese women treat their husbands like they are teenage boys. By hovering over me all of the time, she felt she was helping me and loving me. When it becomes overwhelming the motivation doesn't matter.
