Divorce Advice?

[N&B4PSU]

Divorce was the most mentally, physically, and emotionally draining thing I have ever been through. Owed my attorney over 70k after 4 years of legal battles, but I have my son 75% of the year.
I also lost 35-40lbs due to stress.

also, in my case, my ex-wife left the marital property and tried to keep my son away from me for over a year before I could get a decent attorney that would go after her.

keep meticulous notes…DO NOT under ANY circumstances whatsoever LEAVE YOUR HOME…make her do it.

My friends who know this stuff have all said the same... DO NOT leave the house that is half yours. Period. If need be, install cameras to record what happens between you so if she tries any police bs, you have it covered. Or record anything of importance on ur phone... and keep that safe.

Some consider that extreme... until she calls the police and shows her suddenly marked up face and ur off to jail in cuffs. Don't have to watch the vids ever... just have a defense ready if she goes "out there"... and it happens.

Don't want any part of divorce... no matter how simple, it never is. And if kids are in the mix, God bless.

Watched my brother get bfd by the ex.... 2 of his 3 kids hate him (the oldest and far and away brightest is right there by his side). The other 2 live with mom. Nuff said.

Good luck to you.

 

[bostavan]

During a divorce, it is important to hire a good lawyer to help you get your legal assets. I have heard many stories of girls taking almost everything from their ex-husbands. Also, don't despair, because I'm sure you will be able to find a new wife. I divorced my wife because she was cheating on me. After the divorce, I couldn't find a new wife for a long time. But after I read this blog https://www.toddvdating.com/blog/how-to-get-a-girl-to-like-you/, I learned how to meet girls. I learned a lot about female psychology, which made it much easier.

 

[diontechristmas]

During a divorce, it is important to hire a good lawyer to help you get your legal assets. I have heard many stories of girls taking almost everything from their ex-husbands. Also, don't despair, because I'm sure you will be able to find a new wife. I divorced my wife because she was cheating on me. After the divorce, I couldn't find a new wife for a long time. But after I bought this course https://www.toddvdating.com/blog/how-to-get-a-girl-to-like-you/ , I learned how to meet girls. I learned a lot about female psychology, which made it much easier.

This is a Russian bot, so dumb.

Todd’s dating advice on the link is to be good looking. Thanks buddy, never thought of that.

 

[Zenophile]

Todd’s dating advice on the link is to be good looking. Thanks buddy, never thought of that.

Welp. Now you know.

 

[lazydave841]

This is a Russian bot, so dumb.

Todd’s dating advice on the link is to be good looking. Thanks buddy, never thought of that.

Good looking just gets you in the door... lol

 

[john4psu]

Marriage is the #1 cause of divorce.

 

[sylvanialion]

My advice .... suck it up and make it work. You have two kids and no matter how horrible your situation is, theirs is worse when you split. There is a reason they say for better or worse ... ready to give up on a rough patch, cutting me a break.

 

[rutgersal]

My advice .... suck it up and make it work. You have two kids and no matter how horrible your situation is, theirs is worse when you split. There is a reason they say for better or worse ... ready to give up on a rough patch, cutting me a break.

I was just going to post the same.

 

[ThePennsyOracle]

My advice .... suck it up and make it work. You have two kids and no matter how horrible your situation is, theirs is worse when you split. There is a reason they say for better or worse ... ready to give up on a rough patch, cutting me a break.

As the child of two people who "made it work" during a rough patch, respectfully, you are completely wrong

 

[stater02]

I’m going through one now. No kids. Amicable thus far, but not yet ruling out lawyers.

My situation is vastly different from yours, but I echo some of the other comments:

- First, just come right to terms with the fact that you’re going to lose half of your assets. I was by far the primary earner in our relationship, so this one hurt.
- Retain a lawyer and have them guide you behind the scenes. You have a lot at stake here, esp kids.
- Document every conversation you have with her. I bought a small digital recorder to keep in my pocket at all times.
- Document current cash assets and monitor those accounts closely. Better yet, if she moves out, agree to separate your credit cards and liquid cash so you have control over your share.
- Do not leave your primary home.
- Do not use the children as a weapon. Even if she does. Be kind and caring with them. In the long run, they’ll remember that.
- Do not quit your job.

The fact that she has a DWI on her record works in your favor regarding the kids. Not sure how nasty you want to be, but the right lawyer could really spin that in your favor, painting her as an unfit mother. Add in the job that is taking her away from the home and she could easily be the one paying you child support, and seeing them only every other weekend while you had primary care responsibilities.

Finally, there will be times you waver and doubt if you’re in the right course. Once you make your decision to move forward (or not), find a confidant who can help your stay the course in those moments of weakness. Do not let her see you waver.

Good luck to you. Personally, I find it highly ridiculous that all it takes to enter marriage is a signature on a piece of paper. But ending a marriage is one of the most complicated and expensive legal processes that exists. The laws are Draconian and highly skewed against men. They do not fit with modern times, dual incomes, etc.

As for me, I’ll only ever partner from here on out. If they insist on marriage, I’m going the prenup route.

This thread got bumped so I thought I’d provide an update. My divorce process began in September 2021 and didn’t end until May 2022. We had no children and honestly, assets were relatively easy to divvy up. It was largely amicable and clean. Yet, it still took this long due the courts, and her lawyer playing silly games to obtain extensions to her retainer.

Surely every divorce is different. I share this info only to illustrate how long and arduous the process can be, even for a straight-forward divorce in a “no fault” state. I cannot imagine what it is like for contentions divorced, or in the event children are involved.

In the end, I made out OK. I overpaid a bit to get a clean break, no spousal maintenance and to keep my 401k. I could have been more aggressive to keep certain monies, but I wanted to be done with no remaining ties. It was expensive, but I have peace of mind and most importantly: freedom.

 

[87 Penn St8]

This thread got bumped so I thought I’d provide an update. My divorce process began in September 2021 and didn’t end until May 2022. We had no children and honestly, assets were relatively easy to divvy up. It was largely amicable and clean. Yet, it still took this long due the courts, and her lawyer playing silly games to obtain extensions to her retainer.

Surely every divorce is different. I share this info only to illustrate how long and arduous the process can be, even for a straight-forward divorce in a “no fault” state. I cannot imagine what it is like for contentions divorced, or in the event children are involved.

In the end, I made out OK. I overpaid a bit to get a clean break, no spousal maintenance and to keep my 401k. I could have been more aggressive to keep certain monies, but I wanted to be done with no remaining ties. It was expensive, but I have peace of mind and most importantly: freedom.

We all have our burdens in this life, and given your circumstances it appears that it worked out about as well as you could've hoped. Godspeed into the "brave new world" of online dating...I've heard it may be more frustrating than the marriages that my friends have left.

This was a long running thread with neat perspective all around. Thank you for sharing the ending (or new beginning depending on how one looks at it).

 

[fastlax16]

Godspeed into the "brave new world" of online dating...I've heard it may be more frustrating than the marriages that my friends have left.

Having recently done the opposite, there are definitely days I miss carefree online dating. OP drop that age range down to 21 and have some fun.

 

[Ski]

This thread got bumped so I thought I’d provide an update. My divorce process began in September 2021 and didn’t end until May 2022. We had no children and honestly, assets were relatively easy to divvy up. It was largely amicable and clean. Yet, it still took this long due the courts, and her lawyer playing silly games to obtain extensions to her retainer.

Surely every divorce is different. I share this info only to illustrate how long and arduous the process can be, even for a straight-forward divorce in a “no fault” state. I cannot imagine what it is like for contentions divorced, or in the event children are involved.

In the end, I made out OK. I overpaid a bit to get a clean break, no spousal maintenance and to keep my 401k. I could have been more aggressive to keep certain monies, but I wanted to be done with no remaining ties. It was expensive, but I have peace of mind and most importantly: freedom.

Smart move. Paying a little more now will pay off for you in the long run. Bless you both for figuring it out before children were brought in the world. I would call this a happy divorce story if there is such a thing.