It’s time for a new mattress.
For way too many years, I’ve woken up sore AF due to my expensive but shitty-for-me mattress. Why? Because my wife and I have been sleeping on a $3500 king sized Tempurpedic memory foam mattress. The problem is, I’m a stomach sleeper and I sink into the memory foam and my spine is way out of alignment. Truth be told, I might actually be considered a combination sleeper (stomach, side, back), but whoTF knows? Am I tossing and turning so much because I can’t get comfortable in my preferred stomach position? Again, whoTF knows. On the other hand, my wife is a side sleeper, so she loves the memory foam as it contours and supports her body while on her side. But I’ve had enough, and it’s time for a new one.
Oh yah, there’s one more reason to get rid of this abomination of a mattress. It’s absolutely terrible for sex. One of the “benefits” they market with the memory foam mattress is how it doesn’t disturb your partner while sleeping. As one partner tosses or turns in bed, the other doesn’t feel it as the motion doesn’t transition throughout the bed. Well guess what? The negative with that “feature” is the responsiveness of the bed while doing THE deed. Instead of working with you while you are grooving to Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On”, the mattress works against you to kill any and all movement. God bless it, if you can’t get it on, how are you supposed to get off!?! For your classic “man on top” positioning, it’s literally like fvcking in quicksand. After a few seconds, your hands are sinking into the foam and you are continuously trying to crawl out of the hole your hands created. Unfortunately for me, I don’t have pet ferrets to help get me out of that quicksand (yes, that was a Beastmaster reference). Anywho, it’s truly a nightmare when it comes to happy fun time. It’s time to move on.
So here are my requirements:
- supportive for her to sleep on her side
- supportive for me to sleep on my stomach
- good responsiveness for pornstar-like sex 😂
And last but not least, it can’t be a Sleep Number bed. For some reason, my wife refuses to get one. She considers them “blow up mattresses”. IDK, maybe she fears my newfound aggressiveness in a new bed will be too much for a sleep number to handle? 😂
Happy Thanksgiving! Gobble gobble!